Life with Tweens

Just when you thought you knew it all

What do do when your tween makes mistakes

We’ve had a lot going on in our tween house over the past few weeks and the only thing that I know for sure is this:

I don’t believe in letting mistakes overwhelm us, because mistakes makes us who we are. 

mistakes

My tween is pretty bloody amazing.  She blows my mind with her quick wit and ability to think outside the box. She is all sorts of awesome and no, I’m not biased. Not one little bit. *cough*

Recently she did something that reminded me that she is a kid.  She is just a kid. She is a tween. She made a mistake.

I must admit it was a whiplash back to reality for this besotted mama. She had me totally and utterly bewitched with her powers of being an awesome little human, and I needed to be reminded that she is actually learning her way in this crazy world and it’s my job to help her navigate life.

Sometimes we need a reminder.  Something to bring us back down to earth. They are kids.  These little humans that we hold in such high esteem are learning their way, and sometimes that means they will make mistakes.

Mistakes are ok.

Take a deep breath, walk away if you need to. Just give them the opportunity to stumble, and be there to catch them when they fall.

Because we all stumble from time to time.  Only those of us who are truly blessed have someone to pick us up afterwards.

A letter to the stranger in my house

Dear Stranger,

It’s hard to write this, because I’m going to be blunt, but things used to be much nicer before you moved in.

There used to be a balance in the way the different personalities in our house worked together and the three of us knew when to be together, but more importantly when to leave one another alone.

We enjoyed board games, nights wandering around the market and sessions just relaxing on the couch.

It was much more pleasant.

Then you moved in. There. You. Were.

The household shifted on its axis and all of a sudden the methods that worked to calm a storm were no longer effective. I couldn’t  count on my silly method of asking the kids to physically get back into bed and get out on the ‘right side’. Loud music and dancing around the kitchen didn’t diffuse a tense situation.

My tried and tested methods are useless!

All of  a sudden a fun chat can turn into a raging swirl of emotion and feelings. Just as quickly it can abate. No rhyme or reason to what sets off these bursts or what calms them.

We can be getting ready to race out the door to an event, sports training or dinner with friends and the mood can go from slightly tense as we all hurry to get ready, to PSYCHO MADNESS AND RAGE in 3.26 seconds.

I can no longer assume that a surprise play with a friend is a good idea because with you in our lives, friendships are shifting as it seems you’ve also settled into other houses in the area. You must be quite transient and you move from house to house sprinkling your nasty anti-pixie dust at will.

Well I’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re here to stay. We’ve made some changes to try and deal with your unexpected, unwelcome visits and I hope you’ll soon become invisible. Or at least your presence will become less disruptive.

I can recognise the signs as you enter the front door, the tell-tale signals that we all need to duck for cover and scatter to our own safe corner of the house. I can see the bubbling emotions simmer at a faster pace and I back off quick smart.

Sleep becomes more important for everyone when you settle in for one of your visits, and we adjust our bedtimes and cut back on energy-sapping activities in favour of some extra downtime.

I slip extra fresh fruit and veggies in wherever I can when you’re around, and our take-away night is ditched in favour of a home cooked meal. It seems to make a slight difference and anything that makes the most minute changes to your unwelcome stopovers is worth it in my opinion.

So to you Hormonal Outbursts, I say back off. I ask you to loosen your grip on my poor tween (and tweens everywhere) as we navigate this minefield of the tween years.

We’re learning to deal with you but please, just give us a bit of a break!

Not so sincerely, Kim

tweens-the-stranger-in-my-house-v2

Give your tween space and let them learn things for themselves

There are times that I try to connect with my tween, but her headspace is somewhere on a planet far, far away. She’s not interested in engaging with someone in the same room, let alone her *insert dramatic eye roll* mother!

And do you know what I do? I leave her be.

Sometimes she needs the room to breath, the room to get her head around her own feelings and the space to reconcile the emotions coursing through her hormonal little body. Can you remember what it was like to feel as if you needed to escape your own skin? I certainly can, and I try to take myself back to that time in order to help my tween.

It’s so important to give your children the space to grow and embrace the changes that are going on in their lives when they need it.

Sometimes she will spend an entire Saturday morning watching youtube videos of seemingly random teens doing seemingly random acts of craziness. Other times she’ll immerse herself in a book and I won’t see her surface until meal times. Other times she’ll crave our company and will crawl back into the warm embrace of her little family, because she knows we’ll always be here, waiting.

Let tweens read

It was incredibly hard the first time I noticed that my daughter wasn’t coming to me with her woes. I had always been her sounding board and all of a sudden she had other outlets, other fonts of wisdom (scoff) and  other ways to deal with her issues.

All I wanted was to go back to a time when I was the problem solver for my girl.  A time when I advised and guided her through the minefield of friendships and a difficult schoolyard experience.

Then I remembered reading an interview with Dr Michael Carr Gregg who said: “This generation of parents just push all the obstacles out of the way and try to make life as simple and as easy as possible for their kids.” He was referring to a generation of snowplough parents: those parents who are time-poor and over-compensate with gadgets and pushing all the barriers out of the way for their coddled child.

The consequence is a generation of kids who never learn to deal with things on their own .

Referring back to that article, I think about the ways I can step back and just give my tween space. It’s vital that she learns to handle her emotions in her own way.  Of course my motherly instinct is to smooth the path ahead of her and make it as easy as possible – but does that really help her in the long term?

Of course it doesn’t!

Dr Michael Carr-Gregg has some simple ways that we as parents can give our tweens some space and some responsibility:

  • Never do for your children what they can do for themselves
  • Put your child on a bus/bike or public transport to get to school
  • Give your tween regular chores and have consequences for when they’re not done
  • Implement and enforce strict rules around technology: saying something and doing something else does not teach them boundaries
  • Teach your tweens to wash and iron their own clothes – NO, they are not too young!
  • Have your children clean their own room
  • Get your tween to help you cook, and teach them lifelong skills
  • Make sure they get enough sleep – this may seem like common sense, but one thing I’ve learn recently is that common sense is not so common!

Do you have any ways that you can add to this list? Ways in which we can all help our children to grow and learn on their own?

My tween is now a vegetarian

Seven months ago my tween announced she was vegetarian.

I had two choices – support her decision or make a joke of it in the hope  she would ‘grow out of this phase’. I chose the former.

It seems the tween years are fraught with ginormous decisions by little humans. It doesn’t feel like they’re ready to walk to school by themselves let alone decide on their dietary requirements, does it?

Vegetarian food for my tween

Together my tween and I investigated the recipes and options, and I have to say we have eaten some mighty tasty meals as a family in our quest to ensure she is getting all of the required nutrients a growing girl needs. In fact, my son and I have shifted from eating meat-free a couple of nights a week to only eating red meat one night per week. So whilst we’re not all vegetarian, it’s certainly a health win all round!

There was one small change my tween made (which I am not ashamed to admit I’m chuffed about) and that is from vegetarian to pescatarian after a couple of weeks. Miss tween has not touched red meat since January, but she does eat fish. For a child who won’t eat mushrooms and only has eggs sparingly, it’s quite a relief to be able to serve her salmon, tuna and fish fillets occasionally. She’s not into other seafood, but even the option of three protein-rich foods makes the whole process simpler.

At the beginning, her ideals were a little lax.  As she’s done more research into the treatment of animals she is particular about the type of stock used in meals and whether or not our eggs are free range. And when I say free range, we buy them from a farmer.

I’ve found a few websites that have great veg meals which we all love. Here’s my list of go to blogs:

The number one meal in  our house for any time I’m trying to whip together a quick veg feed after a busy day at work is Anything Quiche.  We’ve had several versions of it over the last few years, depending on what’s in the fridge:

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Anything quiche
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 6
 
This is known as anything quiche because you can add anything you want! Add any ingredients you have in the fridge and voila - dinner is served.
Ingredients
  • ¾ cup of self raising flour
  • 3 eggs at room temperature
  • 1 cup of milk
  • 1 cup grated cheese
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 3 cups of anything else you want - I add broccoli/onion/carrot/zucchini/chives/red capsicum/corn/salmon/ANYTHING!
Instructions
  1. Heat the olive oil in a deep, heavy based fry pan that can be transferred to the oven.
  2. Cook off the onion, veggies and whatever else you want to put into the quiche for about 5 minutes or until they start to turn slightly golden.
  3. Turn on the oven to 180 degrees.
  4. In a bowl, whisk the eggs. Add the milk and continue to whisk. Slowly add the flour and beat it through until thoroughly mixed. Finally fold through half the cheese then pour it over the cooked veggies still in the fry pan on the heat.
  5. Continue cooking the mixture for about 8 minutes on a low-medium heat or until it starts to separate from the sides of the fry pan. Sprinkle the remaining cheese over the quiche and put it in the oven.
  6. Cook it for around 30-40 minutes or until golden on top.
  7. Enjoy with a green salad.

Quiche

 

Do you have a vegetarian tween? What is your go-to meal?

Tween skin care

*standing up* “Hi, my name is Kim, I’m 39 years old and I still get pimples”

Sucks to be me.

I remember being a tween and my sister taking me to the doctor to get some prescription cream for my pimply, tweenage skin. At the time it felt like overkill, but later on I realised that she was so mortified by her own zitty complexion she was simply trying to save me from the same fate.

Bad skin for tweens

Following that realisation, from an early age I’ve impressed upon my own daughter the importance of caring for her skin. Cleanse, tone, moisturise. Skin care every day. Sadly my tween has my oily complexion which apparently keeps wrinkles at bay for longer, but I’m yet to be convinced that’s not an old wives tale. What it does mean is pimples. Forever.

We’ve tried a few different things, and found the following to help – a little:

Body shop tea tree: we both use this! It’s a tea tree based toner that you shake to activate the minerals through the liquid and it really does wonders for both youthful and *cough* not-so-youthful skin. It costs about $16 and lasts months.

Facewash: you need to find a wash that works for your tween. Miss11 seems to respond to Garnier Pure 3-in-1 wash, scrub + mask. At under $10 this is a product that we’ve found through trial and error. Find the right one that works for your own tween boy or girl and stick to it – whilst hoping they don’t discontinue it!

Clean pillow case: now this may seem like common sense, but I’ve discovered that common sense is not so common nowadays (yes, I feel 80 years old saying that). Change your tween’s pillow case more regularly and see if it makes a difference. It may mean twice a week depending on their skin, but it works.

Hair products and clean hair: this is another one that really does work! A child who uses a lot of hair products and touches their hair then face, may find their skin improves if they a) wash their hair more regularly or b) change hair products.

Face wipes: You can spend an ABSOLUTE fortune on makeup remover or face wipes. I’m here to tell you that Huggies baby wipes do the same job at a fraction of the price. True story.

Moisturise: get your tween boys and girls in the habit of moisturising regularly. I’ve found this very difficult with my own daughter, but I am persisting. It’s that important. Find a tween-specific moisturiser for their more delicate skin, and  remind them day in, day out. It will take a while for them to get the hang of regular moisturising but they’ll thank you for it in their latter years!

Teach them to avoid touching their face: I know if I sit with my chin in my hands, I will end up with bad skin around my chin. We need to teach our tweens the importance of clean skin, and how to take care of it throughout the day.

Do you have any products or tips that help tweens with their skin?
Share in the comments so we can pass them onto our own children!

Disclaimer: none of these are sponsored, gifted or affiliate links.  They are purely products that have worked for the tween in my life. 

Meet the Life with Tweens team

Meet the Life with Tweens team

Kim, Renee and Caro are parents living with a primary-schooler, a handful of Tweens, the odd Teen, seven dogs, six fish, two cats and a fat rabbit. Each day is an adventure, to say the least.

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