Life with Tweens

Just when you thought you knew it all

5 resources to help navigate autism and puberty

5 resources to help navigate autism and puberty

The tween years and puberty go hand in hand, one is a defining aspect of the other. And with that combination seems to come a heap of confusion, stress, high tempers and tears, and that’s not just the kids.

When you throw Autism in the mix, as is our situation, it adds another level of challenge, one that I’m mostly completely un-prepared for.

I recently attended at session at Amaze (Autism Victoria) who kindly took all of us scared parents through a workshop on how best to prepare for the coming years.

Here are some of the resources they shared that night, which I thought might be helpful for you too…

  • La Trobe University’s “Puberty: A Guide for Teenagers with ASD and Their Parents” can be downloaded here. It has a bunch of social scripts for everything from showering regularly to periods.
  • Raising Children Network (which you can find here) has a bunch of social stories as well as information fact sheets for parents and videos as well. They cover the emotional side of things, as well as the physical things.
  • Footprint Books (here) has a huge range of books and resources for both girls and boys going through puberty as well as just general books about Autism. If you love exploring online bookstores, then you’ll love this.
  • Family Planning Victoria (here) isn’t probably the first place I would have thought of to start, but they have a large range of fact sheets, books, as well as videos, which might be easier for some kids. There’s also information about sexual health and safe sex, which I know we we’re going to need at some point (hopefully later rather than sooner…).
  • Amaze (Autism Victoria) runs information sessions, as well as having a bunch of resources available as well. You can find them here.

If you’re stressing about puberty, maybe take a moment to check these out. If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to get your hands on as much information as possible to prepare yourself as we hurtle headlong into the next stage of parenting.

Well prepared is well armed. Or something like that.

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A version of this article was originally published on About a Bugg here.

Avoiding homework hell

Avoiding homework hell

First week back at school and we’re already arguing about homework. It’s an ongoing battle, but one that we never seem to be able to win, no matter how hard we try.

We have seen improvements, there was a time when Poss wouldn’t even consider sitting down and attempting her homework. However now that Poss is in the second half of year five, expectations on her are starting to increase, as they are with all the kids.

With senior school just a blink away, and while for years I rallied against homework in the younger levels, I’m scared that if we don’t get on top of it now, she’ll be the kid who falls behind in high school.

I’ve done some research and put together some tips that might help us get into some sort of happier homework space.

  • Routine is king. Work out what works for your family and stick to it. Every single day.
  • Eat the frog. It’s that old productivity saying – eat the frog, or put simply, do the hard thing first. Once you’ve ticked that off the rest will seem like a breeze.
  • Snack happy. We’ve found that if Poss has a plate of easy to eat snacks, things like chopped up apple and sultanas, that she can munch on while she works, that it all seems to go much easier. I’m not sure if there is a science behind it, but she doesn’t tend to eat much during the day so this seems to help.
  • If you’re not sure, ask. It’s something that we’re struggling to get Poss to feel comfortable with. She tends to avoid the pieces of homework she can’t nail at the first pass, meaning that things are left to the last minute or simply not completed. We’re working on it…
  • Plan. Plan. Plan. Poss does after school care two nights a week, gymnastics two nights a week and that doesn’t leave a lot of time for homework. She often leaves things until the last minute; resulting in tears every time. We’re working with her to use her diary and plan out her tasks. It’s a simple thing – but one that will hopefully make a big difference.

And if all fails, we’re not above bribery. We did it this weekend – no homework, no movies. There were tears, but hey, the homework got done, so I’m calling it a win.

What tips do you have to making sure the homework gets done in your house?

Travelling with tweens: what you need to know

travel with tweens Last week Kim and I, two thirds of the Life with Tweens team, jumped on a plane headed for Bali. With our Tweens. We’ve both been here before, we’ve both traveled with our kids before. We all love Bali. None of this is overly new.

What is new, is what has changed in the short space since we last travelled. We’re now both well and truly travelling with Tweens.
In fact, the week before we left, Poss turned to Husband and I and said “you know, I think we need a break from all these…. holidays. We do one EVERY YEAR”. A first world problem if I ever heard one…
However, it showed me that maybe this time, things would be different. At 10 and a half (don’t forget the half) she has her own opinions, her own thoughts about what is fun and what isn’t and massive sigh that tells us the difference.
And while there’s a plethora of information out there for travelling with babies, toddlers and even kids, travelling with this new breed, the tween (or even the teen) is seriously lacking in information. Maybe it’s because we don’t realise until it’s too late (i.e. when we’re here) that things have shifted, however subtly and that’s where we set ourselves up to fail.
So I’ve put together some tips on travelling with Tweens, which will hopefully be helpful whether you’re jetting off overseas or just to a caravan down the coast… and I’d love to hear your experiences too!
  1. Before you even leave home, let them be part of the planning. They are small adults now and the more you include them, the more they’ll feel like this adventure is something you are all on together, rather than something being forced upon them.
  2. Busy days can lead to forgetting to fit in meals. And as adults it doesn’t really matter; we’re big enough to work out when we need to eat. But for a tween, after hours swimming they tend to get super hangry. Much like a toddler actually. Just because they are bigger doesn’t mean they’ll remember to eat when they’re having fun.
  3. Studies show that tweens and teens need between 9 and 10 hours sleep a night. While we certainly don’t get that our house; fitting in a nap in the afternoon is a good way to try and get a few extra hours. And if you have a tween that does sleep, try an let them whenever you can. It’s their holiday too!
  4. Let them stay connected: wifi, i-devices, whatever takes their fancy. Like it or not, staying connected to their peers is super important to tweens and teens. If you can help facilitate this (with some balance of course!) you’ll have a happier holiday.
  5. This is a tip we’ve always believed to be true – maybe because we’ve got an only – but holidays are easier with two. If your tween isn’t the type to strike up a friendship with others on the side of the pool, it might be worth taking a friend or cousin.
  6. As much the urge to hold them close (especially when you’re away from the safe confines of home) is strong, it’s great if you can give them some independence. What that means for every family will be different; an hour by the pool by themselves, a quick walk to the corner store, ordering what they want off the dinner menu…. let them have a go. If we want to raise strong, independent adults, then it starts here.
  7. And at the end of the day, remember, you’re still the parent, so what you say goes. And it’s your holiday too. It’s ok to remind your tween of this occasionally, and take time out for yourself.
Of course, if it’s all too much, you could just do what we’ve all dreamed about at different points of this holiday… leave them at home and enjoy a break without kids altogether!
What tips would you add to this? Is your tween a holiday lover, or a holiday hater?

15 reasons your daughter is a now Tween

15 reasons your daughter is a now Tween

They say that the days are long, but the years are short. And when I look over at the long limbed, gangly tween sitting opposite me, I completely understand.

Some days, I’m sure it was only five minutes ago that I was chasing around a wobbly toddler, listening as she discovered her first words and displayed a fierce independence she still shows today.

Other days seem far too long, and bedtime way too far away, as she throws those well crafted words of scorn over her shoulder as she stalks away. The independence is much the same. For better or worse.

I’d like to put it down to her being a tween. But with no clear understanding of what that means, or how to identify it, I thought I’d put down some thoughts on what being a tween might mean. Here’s what I came up with…

  1. Entertainment ranges from watching her favourite bloggers on YouTube through to playing Barbie and baby dolls; stuck between two worlds.
  2. She actually starts to need the crop tops she made me buy about a year ago. And now refuses to wear them.
  3. Ditto with deodorant.
  4. She’s starting to care more about how she looks and will spend a bunch of time googling the ‘right’ hair style for a particular event. Actually letting you do it? That’s another matter.
  5. She needs a phone. Everyone else has one and you’re actually the meanest mum ever if you don’t let her have one.
  6. She will get up early to watch the cartoons from her childhood when she thinks no-one will know, but will only admit to watching Netflix, if anyone asks.
  7. Boys are still gross. But they are less gross than they were two years ago.
  8. The last of her baby teeth are falling out and she no longer expects the tooth fairy to come. She’ll just hit you up for the cash instead.
  9. Santa and the Easter Bunny are either already extinct or they are on the endangered list.
  10. She’ll start to be embarrassed when you request a kiss in public, but she’ll still climb into your lap at night before bed for cuddles.
  11. The sass. The ‘tude. And the eye-rolling. Seriously.
  12. She’ll start talking in acronyms and slang with her friends. You probably won’t know what it means. In all honestly, neither will she.
  13. She’s suddenly grown out of all her little girl clothes, but is still too young for teen fashion. The dreaded in-between. Luckily Kim has found some options.
  14. Things that were previously judged on their opportunity for fun, are now judged on their cool factor.
  15. She’ll suddenly know everything. EVERYTHING. So don’t even bother.

This new world of tweendom has kind of snuck up on us and there’s no doubt that she’s now crossed the threshold; although as is the nature of tweens, it’s not without a backwards glance or five as she tries to find her place on the cusp of her teenage years.

I’m going to try and hold onto those moments for as long as I can while I get used to this new tall gangly girl, struggling to climb into my lap.

What things do you think signposts this change to the land of tweens?

All the other kids have one

LWT All the other kids have one

I recently picked up a new mobile phone. It’s shiny, it’s new and as I’m a sucker for all sorts of shiny and new technology, I love it. I’m one of those people who would wait in line for the latest phone. Maybe not overnight, but I’m not ruling it out. I know, I’m a cliche waiting to happen.

Anyway, I’m not a tech blogger by any stretch of the imagination, so this post isn’t about the ins and outs of my new phone. However, the arrival of the little white box did cause an outcry in our house. And it went pretty much like this….

“I want your old phone”

“No”

“I want your old phone”

“No”

And then just repeat until someone is crying and it’s probably going to be both of you. You might want to throw in a few “it’s not fair” and “I never get anything” as well, just to mix it up or you might get bored before the game is really over.

Eventually one of you will storm into their bedroom and cover their head with the doona, crying at the injustice of the world. The other will probably pour themselves a glass of wine and wish they’d been smarter and hidden the new phone until they were in a better place to deal with it.

I’ll leave it up to you to guess which is which…

However, all this has led us to think about what age Poss might be able to have her own mobile phone. We’ve tried a “one-step-better-than-a-toy-phone” but she quickly lost interest in it, stopped charging it and now has lost it.

She struggles to remember her school bag/lunch box/homework each day, let alone a mobile phone, and once even returned home without school shoes. Without. School. Shoes. I’m still not sure how that happened. To be honest, it doesn’t bode well for a “real” phone.

In saying that, there are moments when it would be really useful, especially as she’s at making her way to gymnastics twice a week (which sounds more impressive than it is – she has to walk across an oval, still within her school grounds) and then we pick her up from there.

We’ve been held up once or twice and while I’ve been sitting in traffic, cursing everyone within a 5km radius, I have mused on how much better it would be to be able to just call her and let her know we were on our way. Instead I just let the anxiety eat away at my insides, imagining all the horrors that might occur while she’s waiting for us.

But is that really cause to allow her to have a phone? Probably not. She’s ten. But she tells me that lots of kids in her class have phones. I’m not sure if that’s a lie – it possibly is – I’m sure I remember spinning my mum a similar line about VCR’s when I was her age… Yes, I am that old.

It brings me to my question though, and I suspect I’m not the only one: at what age do you think we should give into the mobile phone argument with our kids?

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This post originally appeared on About a Bugg.

Meet the Life with Tweens team

Meet the Life with Tweens team

Kim, Renee and Caro are parents living with a primary-schooler, a handful of Tweens, the odd Teen, seven dogs, six fish, two cats and a fat rabbit. Each day is an adventure, to say the least.

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