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Chasing the moon…

August 31, 2015

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Do you remember where you were when Princess Diana died? When humans first landed on the moon? What you were doing on 9/11? Chances are you can recall exactly and in some detail. And if you are a woman, I guarantee you also remember every circumstance of your menarche*.

A girl’s first period is a huge event, both physically and emotionally. It is a key developmental milestone, most likely to occur anywhere between the ages of 9-16. Some girls may remember it as truly awful, but I wager with an accompanying feeling of subdued excitement as they realize they have suddenly become a young woman. It can also be bewildering if they haven’t been given the opportunity to discuss, with a trusted adult, the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of menstruation well before it actually occurs.

I had only just turned 10 when I had my first period. I remember clearly that it was a beautiful day and I was with my sisters exploring the creek that ran through the back of my grandparents’ garden. Then, all of a sudden there was blood. I thought I’d cut my leg and rather badly. I raced to my Grandma who went to the hall cupboard and returned clutching a packet of “Dr White’s Panty Pads”. She was as proud as punch that I was with her to experience, as she put it, “my commencement into womanhood”. Me? I was terrified and secretly proud in equal measure. Although, I had to wait to get back to my mother to have her explain in detail what had just happened to me, and why.

My Tween daughter and I talk regularly about menstruation and our relationship (and her maturity) has been enriched as a result. It’s witnessed mainly through our conversations about life, the future, relationships and her ambitions. It’s secret women’s business at its best. We’ve lain out in the paddocks at our farm looking at the moon and stars and considered menstruation and spirituality; a topic not often discussed nowadays. We’ve chatted about how menstruation may have led to an understanding of time as most early calendars were based on the length of a women’s menstrual cycle. Scholars have suggested that menstruation is linked to the cycle of the moon and that a woman’s ovulation and subsequent period are tied to its waxing and waning and also affected by moonlight. Now, with ambient lighting from our urban environments, it’s further suggested that a woman’s cycle is ‘confused’ and not as likely to ‘sync’ with the light of the moon. As a result, it would appear that women no longer ‘bleed together’ as they did in the past.

Cat Stone of the Natural Shaman website believes that senses are heightened when a woman menstruates.  “Sensitivity to sound, smell and light would allow a woman to become more aware.  The natural tendency to withdraw at this time of the month, allows a woman to become quiet, in tune and open to listen and feel.

“Historically, menstruation could sometimes lead to great insights for the rest of the community. 

Image credit: www.jandeelstra.com

Image credit: www.jandeelstra.com

Answers were found and decisions were made based on the women’s insights during menstruation.  Women were honoured and respected.  Their bodies naturally went through a cycle of death and rebirth every month in sync with the Moon. They obtained an altered state every month, without even trying.  Women bled, but did not die.  Women could provide sacrificial blood, without anything having to lose life.  Blood, life force, ancestral power… Women held it all within their cycles.” Fascinating stuff.

There are a few things you can do to help your daughter understand and manage her first period:

  1. Firstly, it is really important to remind her that there is nothing ‘weird or disgusting’ about menstruation. It is a totally normal (and inescapable) part of being female. If anyone tries to tell her otherwise she should walk away and give them a withering look as she does so.
  2. During your discussions, try and make her feel strong and empowered, rather than embarrassed about the fact that she will menstruate. Research shows that during puberty a girl’s confidence takes a nosedive. The commencement of menstruation can compound feelings of anxiety if not managed properly.
  3. Encourage your daughter to talk about periods with her Dad. Father’s offer a different perspective and can do much to reassure her that males understand and respect menstruation.
  4. But be honest too. It’s not much fun. Sometimes the emotional shifts can be frustrating (for the entire family) and the physical side of it is just plain boring.
  5. If she has siblings, find some time to chat to them privately about what has happened and ask them to respect her changed circumstance.
  6. Talking about your own menarche and how you managed it can be tremendously reassuring to your daughter.
  7. Talk to her about the facts of menstruation. Explain what a period is, how often it will come, how often it will occur and last, whether it will hurt, how much blood there will be, why it happens, how to use pads and tampons (and which she should use first). There are many websites that offer easy to understand information if she would rather read about it in her own time.
  8. If she doesn’t want to talk to you about it, try and find a trusted adult in her life that can start the conversation.
  9. Talk about the things that she can and can’t do when she has her first period, such as swimming etc. However, be sure to reassure her that her period won’t limit her in anyway.
  10. Encourage her to start carrying a few pads and panty-liners with her. They can easily be popped into a school bag, pencil case, school locker or handbag.
  11. Once she starts menstruating, encourage her to start a calendar or diary so she knows when to expect her next period and can prepare ahead.
  12. If she experiences period pain suggest that she eat slightly smaller meals (to reduce tummy swelling), rest more, use a hot water bottle, drink warm drinks and only take light exercise.
  13. Explain some of the common symptoms of a period such as a sore tummy, increased pimples, sore and/or lumpy breasts and increased oil production in the sebaceous glands and occasionally, diarrhoea.
  14. After menarche it is crucial to discuss the implications of sexual activity. Whilst it is unlikely ovulation will occur for the first year or so, once it does she will be highly fertile.
  15. Together, consider doing some research on menstruation. There are some interesting, quirky and funny facts about periods freely available across the web#. For example, did you know:
  • Walt Disney made a movie about menstruation entitled “The Story of Menstruation” in 1946. It is most likely the first film to use the word vagina.
  • An entire menstrual period usually releases less than half a cup of blood.
  • The term “period” dates from 1822 and means an “interval of time” or a “repeated cycle of events”.
  • Menstrual blood was thought to cure warts, birthmarks, gout, goiters, hemorrhoids, epilepsy, worms, leprosy, and headaches. It was also used in love charms, could ward off demons, and was occasionally used as an offering to a God.

 *(The word menarche derives from the Greek word men = month + arkhe = beginning).

 # http://facts.randomhistory.com/random-facts-about-menstruation.html

Caro Webster

 

 

3 Comments Filed Under: Health, Life Tagged With: first period, girls and menstruation, menarche, teen girls, tweens and menstruation

5 resources to help navigate autism and puberty

July 24, 2015

5 resources to help navigate autism and puberty

The tween years and puberty go hand in hand, one is a defining aspect of the other. And with that combination seems to come a heap of confusion, stress, high tempers and tears, and that’s not just the kids.

When you throw Autism in the mix, as is our situation, it adds another level of challenge, one that I’m mostly completely un-prepared for.

I recently attended at session at Amaze (Autism Victoria) who kindly took all of us scared parents through a workshop on how best to prepare for the coming years.

Here are some of the resources they shared that night, which I thought might be helpful for you too…

  • La Trobe University’s “Puberty: A Guide for Teenagers with ASD and Their Parents” can be downloaded here. It has a bunch of social scripts for everything from showering regularly to periods.
  • Raising Children Network (which you can find here) has a bunch of social stories as well as information fact sheets for parents and videos as well. They cover the emotional side of things, as well as the physical things.
  • Footprint Books (here) has a huge range of books and resources for both girls and boys going through puberty as well as just general books about Autism. If you love exploring online bookstores, then you’ll love this.
  • Family Planning Victoria (here) isn’t probably the first place I would have thought of to start, but they have a large range of fact sheets, books, as well as videos, which might be easier for some kids. There’s also information about sexual health and safe sex, which I know we we’re going to need at some point (hopefully later rather than sooner…).
  • Amaze (Autism Victoria) runs information sessions, as well as having a bunch of resources available as well. You can find them here.

If you’re stressing about puberty, maybe take a moment to check these out. If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to get your hands on as much information as possible to prepare yourself as we hurtle headlong into the next stage of parenting.

Well prepared is well armed. Or something like that.

———————–

A version of this article was originally published on About a Bugg here.

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Health Tagged With: Autism, kids and adolescence, Puberty

Tween skin care

July 22, 2015

*standing up* “Hi, my name is Kim, I’m 39 years old and I still get pimples”

Sucks to be me.

I remember being a tween and my sister taking me to the doctor to get some prescription cream for my pimply, tweenage skin. At the time it felt like overkill, but later on I realised that she was so mortified by her own zitty complexion she was simply trying to save me from the same fate.

Bad skin for tweens

Following that realisation, from an early age I’ve impressed upon my own daughter the importance of caring for her skin. Cleanse, tone, moisturise. Skin care every day. Sadly my tween has my oily complexion which apparently keeps wrinkles at bay for longer, but I’m yet to be convinced that’s not an old wives tale. What it does mean is pimples. Forever.

We’ve tried a few different things, and found the following to help – a little:

Body shop tea tree: we both use this! It’s a tea tree based toner that you shake to activate the minerals through the liquid and it really does wonders for both youthful and *cough* not-so-youthful skin. It costs about $16 and lasts months.

Facewash: you need to find a wash that works for your tween. Miss11 seems to respond to Garnier Pure 3-in-1 wash, scrub + mask. At under $10 this is a product that we’ve found through trial and error. Find the right one that works for your own tween boy or girl and stick to it – whilst hoping they don’t discontinue it!

Clean pillow case: now this may seem like common sense, but I’ve discovered that common sense is not so common nowadays (yes, I feel 80 years old saying that). Change your tween’s pillow case more regularly and see if it makes a difference. It may mean twice a week depending on their skin, but it works.

Hair products and clean hair: this is another one that really does work! A child who uses a lot of hair products and touches their hair then face, may find their skin improves if they a) wash their hair more regularly or b) change hair products.

Face wipes: You can spend an ABSOLUTE fortune on makeup remover or face wipes. I’m here to tell you that Huggies baby wipes do the same job at a fraction of the price. True story.

Moisturise: get your tween boys and girls in the habit of moisturising regularly. I’ve found this very difficult with my own daughter, but I am persisting. It’s that important. Find a tween-specific moisturiser for their more delicate skin, and  remind them day in, day out. It will take a while for them to get the hang of regular moisturising but they’ll thank you for it in their latter years!

Teach them to avoid touching their face: I know if I sit with my chin in my hands, I will end up with bad skin around my chin. We need to teach our tweens the importance of clean skin, and how to take care of it throughout the day.

Do you have any products or tips that help tweens with their skin?
Share in the comments so we can pass them onto our own children!

Disclaimer: none of these are sponsored, gifted or affiliate links.  They are purely products that have worked for the tween in my life. 

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Health

30 things to pack before you depart childhood

June 3, 2015

Grace©

On the cusp of womanhood

At the end of this year, our home will become Tween-less. My daughter turns 13 and is now well on her way to becoming a woman. I’m simultaneously sad (she’s no longer my baby) yet excited about helping her develop into an engaged and vital young woman.

This set me to thinking about the experiences Tweens* deserve before they depart childhood. So I compiled a simple list of 30 things I believe will engage them, fill them with wonder and set them in good stead to thrive during the next stage of their lives.

The list is in no particular order and it is impossible for it to be defined or finite. Many of the experiences should definitely be carried through into adulthood.

  • Give and receive hug every day
  • Do something kind with no expectation of recognition or reward
  • Keep a journal
  • Experience triumph
  • Go to a classical music concert
  • Form a friendship with someone at least 50 years older than themselves.
  • Watch a horror movie and scare the tripe out of themselves
  • Bite their fingernails and regret it
  • Be bewildered but secretly thrilled by their first wet dream
  • Hate their first period (but be relaxed and happy about the commencement of their journey into womanhood)
  • Take public transport somewhere by themselves before the age of 13
  • Fart with relish and not confess
  • Experience disappointment
  • Confound their parents with something related to technology
  • Unplug
  • Grow something
  • Write a letter to someone
  • Play an instrument.  Whether this is done well or badly is irrelevant
  • Relish and foster creativity
  • Learn the value of patience and humility
  • Take up a craft
  • Try various cuisines from around the world
  • Do a self-portrait
  • Understand the value of unstructured play and relaxation
  • Score (or save) a goal at some form of sport
  • Go to a church service of their choice
  • Understand and accept the fallibility of their parents
  • Learn a language
  • Pick their nose, eat it and decide that doing so is daft
  • Have (and keep into adulthood) a favourite toy
  • Look after a pet

What would you add to this list?

Caro Webster

* For the purposes of this post, I’ve defined Tweendom as 8-12.

** Copyright image courtesy of Katrina Crook Photography

*** This post originally appeared in another format on Caro & Co. 

 

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Health, Life, Social Tagged With: kids and adolescence, kids and puberty

Get thee to the kitchen my Tween!

May 27, 2015

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If your home is anything like mine, you’ll have children with varying eating habits and approaches to food.

I have a Teen who would happily eat nothing but Nutella sandwiches or the occasional Thai Beef Salad if it was placed in front of him. He has zero interest in cooking or being in the kitchen despite my insistence that he get involved if only to set the table each evening. Of interest to me; is that it’s not that he dislikes food ~ he will eat whatever is put in front of him; more that he sees food as a way of refuelling. There is nothing convivial about his approach to the harvesting, preparation or eating of food.

My Tween is the complete opposite. She scours cookbooks, regularly asks to cook for the entire family and has a repertoire of recipes that she enjoys building upon each week.  She’ll willingly try new flavours and cuisines and is developing an intuitive and expansive palate.  She happily tends her vegetable patch and fairly shivers with pride when something is ready to harvest.

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It flummoxes me that I provided them with exactly the same food experiences growing up and yet they are so very different. I refuse to believe that their habits are specific to their genders, nor do I believe that either approach is right or wrong (although I personally prefer the latter). Instead, I continue to focus on making eating a family affair. To surround it with conviviality and happiness. To foster an eagerness to explore and enjoy the world of food in the hope that my son will eventually come to the party.

I am fortunate not to have any fussy eaters; although I guess I should mention the cat who’ll eat nothing other than a particular brand of dry food.  If I did have a selective eater, I would do my very best to subscribe to the view that it’s OK. That, on the whole, kids self-regulate their food habits as they approach adulthood.  There are many websites that confirm my view and offer good advice on how to manage the process.  You can find one here. The wonderful Ruth at Gourmet Girlfriend regularly offers good tips on children and food and has also started a fab initiative called the Kool Kids Cooking Club Recipe Pack.

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Food should be fun and engaging. Here are a few tips on how to get Tweens into the kitchen. None of my suggestions are rocket science but they do work.

  • Let them choose one meal per week. Encourage them to help you cook it; better still get them to give it a go by themselves.
  • If they choose take away, that’s fine. When I was little, we were allowed to choose our dinner each Thursday. I think we had fish and chips every Thursday for about 5 years.
  • As often as you can, eat together at the table. I think this is really important.  Sometimes it’s the only chance the entire family has to come together, relax and debrief on the day they’ve all had.
  • Remove all distractions ~ particularly technology. No TV, iPads, iPhones or computers.
  • Put on some classical music.  My promise to you, is that your Tweens will enjoy it. I blew my kids away the other evening with the Flower Duet from Lakme.  Click here and listen to it while you continue to read…
  • Have your children take turns to set the table each night.  If you can, use real serviettes, candles and flowers. Give them a reward for the most creative table setting they can come up with.  See here for a fun post I did on kid’s setting the table using found objects from nature.  The reward could be something as simple as choosing the menu for the next day or a special food treat.
  • Make food fun. For example, why not try preparing a three course meal together, using only one colour?
  • Introduce a variety of cuisines.  Encourage them to find out 3 fun facts about the country of origin of the food they will eat. Thai cuisine? Did you know that Bangkok’s full ceremonial name is Krungthepmahanakhon Amonrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharatratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphimanawatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit. Crikey! Thailand has over 1430 islands. The Siamese cat originated in Thailand where it is known as Wichian Mat.
  • Encourage them to have one friend for dinner each week. Together, let them choose the menu and don an apron.
  • For recipe ideas to tempt Tweens, visit Caro & Co 

Good luck and have fun!

Caro Webster

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Health, Life, Social Tagged With: how do I get my teenagers interested in food?, how to get tweens interested in food, how to tempt fussy eaters, kids and food, kids in the kitchen, teens in the kitchen

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    Meet the Life with Tweens team

    Meet the Life with Tweens team

    Kim, Renee and Caro are parents living with a primary-schooler, a handful of Tweens, the odd Teen, seven dogs, six fish, two cats and a fat rabbit. Each day is an adventure, to say the least.

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