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Chasing the moon…

August 31, 2015

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Do you remember where you were when Princess Diana died? When humans first landed on the moon? What you were doing on 9/11? Chances are you can recall exactly and in some detail. And if you are a woman, I guarantee you also remember every circumstance of your menarche*.

A girl’s first period is a huge event, both physically and emotionally. It is a key developmental milestone, most likely to occur anywhere between the ages of 9-16. Some girls may remember it as truly awful, but I wager with an accompanying feeling of subdued excitement as they realize they have suddenly become a young woman. It can also be bewildering if they haven’t been given the opportunity to discuss, with a trusted adult, the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of menstruation well before it actually occurs.

I had only just turned 10 when I had my first period. I remember clearly that it was a beautiful day and I was with my sisters exploring the creek that ran through the back of my grandparents’ garden. Then, all of a sudden there was blood. I thought I’d cut my leg and rather badly. I raced to my Grandma who went to the hall cupboard and returned clutching a packet of “Dr White’s Panty Pads”. She was as proud as punch that I was with her to experience, as she put it, “my commencement into womanhood”. Me? I was terrified and secretly proud in equal measure. Although, I had to wait to get back to my mother to have her explain in detail what had just happened to me, and why.

My Tween daughter and I talk regularly about menstruation and our relationship (and her maturity) has been enriched as a result. It’s witnessed mainly through our conversations about life, the future, relationships and her ambitions. It’s secret women’s business at its best. We’ve lain out in the paddocks at our farm looking at the moon and stars and considered menstruation and spirituality; a topic not often discussed nowadays. We’ve chatted about how menstruation may have led to an understanding of time as most early calendars were based on the length of a women’s menstrual cycle. Scholars have suggested that menstruation is linked to the cycle of the moon and that a woman’s ovulation and subsequent period are tied to its waxing and waning and also affected by moonlight. Now, with ambient lighting from our urban environments, it’s further suggested that a woman’s cycle is ‘confused’ and not as likely to ‘sync’ with the light of the moon. As a result, it would appear that women no longer ‘bleed together’ as they did in the past.

Cat Stone of the Natural Shaman website believes that senses are heightened when a woman menstruates.  “Sensitivity to sound, smell and light would allow a woman to become more aware.  The natural tendency to withdraw at this time of the month, allows a woman to become quiet, in tune and open to listen and feel.

“Historically, menstruation could sometimes lead to great insights for the rest of the community. 

Image credit: www.jandeelstra.com

Image credit: www.jandeelstra.com

Answers were found and decisions were made based on the women’s insights during menstruation.  Women were honoured and respected.  Their bodies naturally went through a cycle of death and rebirth every month in sync with the Moon. They obtained an altered state every month, without even trying.  Women bled, but did not die.  Women could provide sacrificial blood, without anything having to lose life.  Blood, life force, ancestral power… Women held it all within their cycles.” Fascinating stuff.

There are a few things you can do to help your daughter understand and manage her first period:

  1. Firstly, it is really important to remind her that there is nothing ‘weird or disgusting’ about menstruation. It is a totally normal (and inescapable) part of being female. If anyone tries to tell her otherwise she should walk away and give them a withering look as she does so.
  2. During your discussions, try and make her feel strong and empowered, rather than embarrassed about the fact that she will menstruate. Research shows that during puberty a girl’s confidence takes a nosedive. The commencement of menstruation can compound feelings of anxiety if not managed properly.
  3. Encourage your daughter to talk about periods with her Dad. Father’s offer a different perspective and can do much to reassure her that males understand and respect menstruation.
  4. But be honest too. It’s not much fun. Sometimes the emotional shifts can be frustrating (for the entire family) and the physical side of it is just plain boring.
  5. If she has siblings, find some time to chat to them privately about what has happened and ask them to respect her changed circumstance.
  6. Talking about your own menarche and how you managed it can be tremendously reassuring to your daughter.
  7. Talk to her about the facts of menstruation. Explain what a period is, how often it will come, how often it will occur and last, whether it will hurt, how much blood there will be, why it happens, how to use pads and tampons (and which she should use first). There are many websites that offer easy to understand information if she would rather read about it in her own time.
  8. If she doesn’t want to talk to you about it, try and find a trusted adult in her life that can start the conversation.
  9. Talk about the things that she can and can’t do when she has her first period, such as swimming etc. However, be sure to reassure her that her period won’t limit her in anyway.
  10. Encourage her to start carrying a few pads and panty-liners with her. They can easily be popped into a school bag, pencil case, school locker or handbag.
  11. Once she starts menstruating, encourage her to start a calendar or diary so she knows when to expect her next period and can prepare ahead.
  12. If she experiences period pain suggest that she eat slightly smaller meals (to reduce tummy swelling), rest more, use a hot water bottle, drink warm drinks and only take light exercise.
  13. Explain some of the common symptoms of a period such as a sore tummy, increased pimples, sore and/or lumpy breasts and increased oil production in the sebaceous glands and occasionally, diarrhoea.
  14. After menarche it is crucial to discuss the implications of sexual activity. Whilst it is unlikely ovulation will occur for the first year or so, once it does she will be highly fertile.
  15. Together, consider doing some research on menstruation. There are some interesting, quirky and funny facts about periods freely available across the web#. For example, did you know:
  • Walt Disney made a movie about menstruation entitled “The Story of Menstruation” in 1946. It is most likely the first film to use the word vagina.
  • An entire menstrual period usually releases less than half a cup of blood.
  • The term “period” dates from 1822 and means an “interval of time” or a “repeated cycle of events”.
  • Menstrual blood was thought to cure warts, birthmarks, gout, goiters, hemorrhoids, epilepsy, worms, leprosy, and headaches. It was also used in love charms, could ward off demons, and was occasionally used as an offering to a God.

 *(The word menarche derives from the Greek word men = month + arkhe = beginning).

 # http://facts.randomhistory.com/random-facts-about-menstruation.html

Caro Webster

 

 

3 Comments Filed Under: Health, Life Tagged With: first period, girls and menstruation, menarche, teen girls, tweens and menstruation

What do do when your tween makes mistakes

August 19, 2015

We’ve had a lot going on in our tween house over the past few weeks and the only thing that I know for sure is this:

I don’t believe in letting mistakes overwhelm us, because mistakes makes us who we are. 

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My tween is pretty bloody amazing.  She blows my mind with her quick wit and ability to think outside the box. She is all sorts of awesome and no, I’m not biased. Not one little bit. *cough*

Recently she did something that reminded me that she is a kid.  She is just a kid. She is a tween. She made a mistake.

I must admit it was a whiplash back to reality for this besotted mama. She had me totally and utterly bewitched with her powers of being an awesome little human, and I needed to be reminded that she is actually learning her way in this crazy world and it’s my job to help her navigate life.

Sometimes we need a reminder.  Something to bring us back down to earth. They are kids.  These little humans that we hold in such high esteem are learning their way, and sometimes that means they will make mistakes.

Mistakes are ok.

Take a deep breath, walk away if you need to. Just give them the opportunity to stumble, and be there to catch them when they fall.

Because we all stumble from time to time.  Only those of us who are truly blessed have someone to pick us up afterwards.

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Life

A letter to the stranger in my house

August 12, 2015

Dear Stranger,

It’s hard to write this, because I’m going to be blunt, but things used to be much nicer before you moved in.

There used to be a balance in the way the different personalities in our house worked together and the three of us knew when to be together, but more importantly when to leave one another alone.

We enjoyed board games, nights wandering around the market and sessions just relaxing on the couch.

It was much more pleasant.

Then you moved in. There. You. Were.

The household shifted on its axis and all of a sudden the methods that worked to calm a storm were no longer effective. I couldn’t  count on my silly method of asking the kids to physically get back into bed and get out on the ‘right side’. Loud music and dancing around the kitchen didn’t diffuse a tense situation.

My tried and tested methods are useless!

All of  a sudden a fun chat can turn into a raging swirl of emotion and feelings. Just as quickly it can abate. No rhyme or reason to what sets off these bursts or what calms them.

We can be getting ready to race out the door to an event, sports training or dinner with friends and the mood can go from slightly tense as we all hurry to get ready, to PSYCHO MADNESS AND RAGE in 3.26 seconds.

I can no longer assume that a surprise play with a friend is a good idea because with you in our lives, friendships are shifting as it seems you’ve also settled into other houses in the area. You must be quite transient and you move from house to house sprinkling your nasty anti-pixie dust at will.

Well I’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re here to stay. We’ve made some changes to try and deal with your unexpected, unwelcome visits and I hope you’ll soon become invisible. Or at least your presence will become less disruptive.

I can recognise the signs as you enter the front door, the tell-tale signals that we all need to duck for cover and scatter to our own safe corner of the house. I can see the bubbling emotions simmer at a faster pace and I back off quick smart.

Sleep becomes more important for everyone when you settle in for one of your visits, and we adjust our bedtimes and cut back on energy-sapping activities in favour of some extra downtime.

I slip extra fresh fruit and veggies in wherever I can when you’re around, and our take-away night is ditched in favour of a home cooked meal. It seems to make a slight difference and anything that makes the most minute changes to your unwelcome stopovers is worth it in my opinion.

So to you Hormonal Outbursts, I say back off. I ask you to loosen your grip on my poor tween (and tweens everywhere) as we navigate this minefield of the tween years.

We’re learning to deal with you but please, just give us a bit of a break!

Not so sincerely, Kim

tweens-the-stranger-in-my-house-v2

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Life Tagged With: kids and adolescence, Parenting, Puberty

Avoiding homework hell

July 19, 2015

Avoiding homework hell

First week back at school and we’re already arguing about homework. It’s an ongoing battle, but one that we never seem to be able to win, no matter how hard we try.

We have seen improvements, there was a time when Poss wouldn’t even consider sitting down and attempting her homework. However now that Poss is in the second half of year five, expectations on her are starting to increase, as they are with all the kids.

With senior school just a blink away, and while for years I rallied against homework in the younger levels, I’m scared that if we don’t get on top of it now, she’ll be the kid who falls behind in high school.

I’ve done some research and put together some tips that might help us get into some sort of happier homework space.

  • Routine is king. Work out what works for your family and stick to it. Every single day.
  • Eat the frog. It’s that old productivity saying – eat the frog, or put simply, do the hard thing first. Once you’ve ticked that off the rest will seem like a breeze.
  • Snack happy. We’ve found that if Poss has a plate of easy to eat snacks, things like chopped up apple and sultanas, that she can munch on while she works, that it all seems to go much easier. I’m not sure if there is a science behind it, but she doesn’t tend to eat much during the day so this seems to help.
  • If you’re not sure, ask. It’s something that we’re struggling to get Poss to feel comfortable with. She tends to avoid the pieces of homework she can’t nail at the first pass, meaning that things are left to the last minute or simply not completed. We’re working on it…
  • Plan. Plan. Plan. Poss does after school care two nights a week, gymnastics two nights a week and that doesn’t leave a lot of time for homework. She often leaves things until the last minute; resulting in tears every time. We’re working with her to use her diary and plan out her tasks. It’s a simple thing – but one that will hopefully make a big difference.

And if all fails, we’re not above bribery. We did it this weekend – no homework, no movies. There were tears, but hey, the homework got done, so I’m calling it a win.

What tips do you have to making sure the homework gets done in your house?

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Life Tagged With: Homework, School

How to get your tween to read

July 8, 2015

When my daughter was born, there were a lot of things I wanted for her future. I had a list. At the top was the hope that she would grow up to be happy.  A simple dream for my new baby and one that I’m sure all new parents share.

A close second was the hope that she would love to read.

Getting a tween to read a book

Reading opens up so many doors. It gives individuals the opportunity to learn and grow in ways that are larger than their own mind.  If you can read, you can step over a threshold into a world of fact and fantasy, learning about times gone by and pretending to understand crazy imaginary lands borne in the mind of an author.

From the moment she could hold a book, she would hold them in her chubby little hands (often upside down!) and babble to the pages. As she learned to recognise letters, she would point them out while I sat with her. Then finally all the gibberish on a page started to make sense to her amazing little mind.

She loves to read – TICK!

Having said that, there are certainly ebbs and flows with her love of books.  I’ve bought her novels that I thought she would positively devour only to find the pages as crisp as the day they left the printing press. Fail.

This year, she seems to be in the groove of inhaling book after book again. I’m a bit concerned that we’ll run out of books to keep her entertained, but thankfully as she grows, her tastes change. Over time she has moved from the entire Babysitters Club series to Harry Potter and beyond. Well, except she keeps coming back to Harry Potter and re-reading them over and over.

Here are 11 books (and 30 pages) my tween has read this year:

  • Paper Towns
  • Harry Potter (all seven of them)
  • Divergent
  • Insurgent
  • 30 pages of Lord of the Rings (I don’t get that one and I quietly applauded the fact she stopped at 30)
  • The Fault in Our Stars

The difference in watching her with a book like Paper Towns and one that she’s not interested in is amazing.  She cannot get enough of Paper Towns.  She’s highlighted sections that make her laugh and will power through it in no time at all. When I’ve given her books that didn’t really tickle her fancy (heartbreakingly Anne of Green Gables was one *sob*) it’s really obvious that she’d prefer to be tidying her pig sty room rather than turning pages.

Here are my five tips for how to get your tween to read:

  1. Let them read whatever they want – if that’s a comic book or a magazine it doesn’t matter.  If they’re reading they’re learning.
  2. Don’t underestimate the value of an old fashioned trip to the library.  Our local one has an amazing lady working in the Young Adult section who recommends books for Miss11 she would never consider.
  3. Consider starting a book club. I know most tween boys would turn their noses up at that, but find a subject they’re interested in, give them a pizza night once a month to discuss whatever it is they have chosen to read and you may just change their mind.
  4. Mix it up a bot between books and an e-reader. Miss11 is like me and loves to flick the pages of a good book, but a change is as good as a holiday so download something if it gets them reading. Some screentime IS good.
  5. If there is a movie coming up they want to see, tell them they have to read the book first – watch them power through that bad boy!

 

Do you have any other tips you can share or books that your own tween has absolutely loved?

 

1 Comment Filed Under: Life

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    Meet the Life with Tweens team

    Meet the Life with Tweens team

    Kim, Renee and Caro are parents living with a primary-schooler, a handful of Tweens, the odd Teen, seven dogs, six fish, two cats and a fat rabbit. Each day is an adventure, to say the least.

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