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30 things to pack before you depart childhood

June 3, 2015

Grace©

On the cusp of womanhood

At the end of this year, our home will become Tween-less. My daughter turns 13 and is now well on her way to becoming a woman. I’m simultaneously sad (she’s no longer my baby) yet excited about helping her develop into an engaged and vital young woman.

This set me to thinking about the experiences Tweens* deserve before they depart childhood. So I compiled a simple list of 30 things I believe will engage them, fill them with wonder and set them in good stead to thrive during the next stage of their lives.

The list is in no particular order and it is impossible for it to be defined or finite. Many of the experiences should definitely be carried through into adulthood.

  • Give and receive hug every day
  • Do something kind with no expectation of recognition or reward
  • Keep a journal
  • Experience triumph
  • Go to a classical music concert
  • Form a friendship with someone at least 50 years older than themselves.
  • Watch a horror movie and scare the tripe out of themselves
  • Bite their fingernails and regret it
  • Be bewildered but secretly thrilled by their first wet dream
  • Hate their first period (but be relaxed and happy about the commencement of their journey into womanhood)
  • Take public transport somewhere by themselves before the age of 13
  • Fart with relish and not confess
  • Experience disappointment
  • Confound their parents with something related to technology
  • Unplug
  • Grow something
  • Write a letter to someone
  • Play an instrument.  Whether this is done well or badly is irrelevant
  • Relish and foster creativity
  • Learn the value of patience and humility
  • Take up a craft
  • Try various cuisines from around the world
  • Do a self-portrait
  • Understand the value of unstructured play and relaxation
  • Score (or save) a goal at some form of sport
  • Go to a church service of their choice
  • Understand and accept the fallibility of their parents
  • Learn a language
  • Pick their nose, eat it and decide that doing so is daft
  • Have (and keep into adulthood) a favourite toy
  • Look after a pet

What would you add to this list?

Caro Webster

* For the purposes of this post, I’ve defined Tweendom as 8-12.

** Copyright image courtesy of Katrina Crook Photography

*** This post originally appeared in another format on Caro & Co. 

 

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Health, Life, Social Tagged With: kids and adolescence, kids and puberty

Only in your sleep

June 2, 2015

As I lean in to kiss your cheek, you turn away.  You shy away from touch and hate to be kissed by anyone.  But that’s only when you’re awake.

 

Life with tweens post about showing affection

 

Peacefully, you sleep.  I wait for the moment when your breathing is more regular and the Sandman has swept you off to the land of dream-filled slumber.  Only then can I lean in for a kiss and know you won’t shy away.  And take advantage of it, I do.

At least 10 times a night, before I head off to bed, I sneak in to check on you and your brother.

I have to be careful with him.  The slightest sound and he stirs, crying out and needing me to sit and pat his back until he nods off again.

But not you.

I can caress your beautiful locks of hair, falling across your pillow and you won’t bat an eyelid.

I can kiss your sweet cheek and know that you won’t pull away (it’s the only time since you moved from being a child to a tween).

I can tuck you in, pulling up the sheet or doona and know that you’ll sometimes grasp my hand and hold it for a moment. Part of a dream? Who knows.

I relish those moments when you’re not a self-conscious tween, worrying about who can see me kiss you. And I tell you I love you.  Over, and over.

My sweet, sweet girl.  I pray that you’ll always be this way if only in slumber.

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Life

Get thee to the kitchen my Tween!

May 27, 2015

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If your home is anything like mine, you’ll have children with varying eating habits and approaches to food.

I have a Teen who would happily eat nothing but Nutella sandwiches or the occasional Thai Beef Salad if it was placed in front of him. He has zero interest in cooking or being in the kitchen despite my insistence that he get involved if only to set the table each evening. Of interest to me; is that it’s not that he dislikes food ~ he will eat whatever is put in front of him; more that he sees food as a way of refuelling. There is nothing convivial about his approach to the harvesting, preparation or eating of food.

My Tween is the complete opposite. She scours cookbooks, regularly asks to cook for the entire family and has a repertoire of recipes that she enjoys building upon each week.  She’ll willingly try new flavours and cuisines and is developing an intuitive and expansive palate.  She happily tends her vegetable patch and fairly shivers with pride when something is ready to harvest.

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It flummoxes me that I provided them with exactly the same food experiences growing up and yet they are so very different. I refuse to believe that their habits are specific to their genders, nor do I believe that either approach is right or wrong (although I personally prefer the latter). Instead, I continue to focus on making eating a family affair. To surround it with conviviality and happiness. To foster an eagerness to explore and enjoy the world of food in the hope that my son will eventually come to the party.

I am fortunate not to have any fussy eaters; although I guess I should mention the cat who’ll eat nothing other than a particular brand of dry food.  If I did have a selective eater, I would do my very best to subscribe to the view that it’s OK. That, on the whole, kids self-regulate their food habits as they approach adulthood.  There are many websites that confirm my view and offer good advice on how to manage the process.  You can find one here. The wonderful Ruth at Gourmet Girlfriend regularly offers good tips on children and food and has also started a fab initiative called the Kool Kids Cooking Club Recipe Pack.

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Food should be fun and engaging. Here are a few tips on how to get Tweens into the kitchen. None of my suggestions are rocket science but they do work.

  • Let them choose one meal per week. Encourage them to help you cook it; better still get them to give it a go by themselves.
  • If they choose take away, that’s fine. When I was little, we were allowed to choose our dinner each Thursday. I think we had fish and chips every Thursday for about 5 years.
  • As often as you can, eat together at the table. I think this is really important.  Sometimes it’s the only chance the entire family has to come together, relax and debrief on the day they’ve all had.
  • Remove all distractions ~ particularly technology. No TV, iPads, iPhones or computers.
  • Put on some classical music.  My promise to you, is that your Tweens will enjoy it. I blew my kids away the other evening with the Flower Duet from Lakme.  Click here and listen to it while you continue to read…
  • Have your children take turns to set the table each night.  If you can, use real serviettes, candles and flowers. Give them a reward for the most creative table setting they can come up with.  See here for a fun post I did on kid’s setting the table using found objects from nature.  The reward could be something as simple as choosing the menu for the next day or a special food treat.
  • Make food fun. For example, why not try preparing a three course meal together, using only one colour?
  • Introduce a variety of cuisines.  Encourage them to find out 3 fun facts about the country of origin of the food they will eat. Thai cuisine? Did you know that Bangkok’s full ceremonial name is Krungthepmahanakhon Amonrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharatratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphimanawatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit. Crikey! Thailand has over 1430 islands. The Siamese cat originated in Thailand where it is known as Wichian Mat.
  • Encourage them to have one friend for dinner each week. Together, let them choose the menu and don an apron.
  • For recipe ideas to tempt Tweens, visit Caro & Co 

Good luck and have fun!

Caro Webster

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Health, Life, Social Tagged With: how do I get my teenagers interested in food?, how to get tweens interested in food, how to tempt fussy eaters, kids and food, kids in the kitchen, teens in the kitchen

Let me catch up

May 26, 2015

LWT Let me catch up

Earlier last month I sat in a conference room, with a coffee urn bubbling away in the background and freshly baked biscuits on the table, along with a bunch of other parents, teachers and my mother while we discussed masturbation.

If that sentence seems confronting, you should have been in the room.

There was a purpose to this; it wasn’t my idea of a fun was to pass a Thursday night. Instead we were there to learn about sexuality and puberty in adolescents with Autism. Which in and of itself is a pretty big idea to get your head around and the 35-odd slide Powerpoint presentation did little to dull the pain.

I know we have to have these conversations. I know it’s time. In fact according to the slides, we’re late. We should have started almost two years ago. Poss is certainly on the threshold of that next phase; we’ve grown her through her baby years, dragged her through her toddler years and we’ve all survived childhood. Next up is the teen years.

After all these other stages of parenting her, this is the one that scares me the most.

And it’s not because I’m squeamish about talking about masturbation or sex or how to put a condom on a banana, it’s just because I’m so not ready for this next phase. It seems like it was just yesterday she was pushing away from the table, taking her first steps. Now she’s pushing away from us.

I worry that she’ll do just what she did when she started to walk; run hard, fall over and smack her head before getting back up and doing it all over again. However, when she was a toddler, I was able to hold her, wipe away her tears, kiss her forehead and make it better. I’m not sure I can do this for her when it comes to puberty.

I worry that we won’t know how best to help her, how best to support her. Occasionally I can see the glimpses of an amazing woman starting to push through the wrapper of this gangly tween; I know she’s under there. But to keep her safe and make sure she doesn’t break before she even gets there? I don’t know. And it wasn’t in the Powerpoint pack.

I promise to do a more helpful post on this topic shortly; there are books to read, links to look at, ideas to wrap my head around. Endless tips and ideas to help trouble shoot the practical and assist with the hard conversations.

But right now, all I seem to be able to do is watch her while she sleeps; those big long jersey cow lashes resting softly on her cheeks as she breaths softly into the night, wishing I could just stop the clock.

Just for a moment, just a second, to let me catch up.

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This post was originally published on About a Bugg.

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Health, Life Tagged With: Autism, Parenting, Puberty

How to arrange a tween birthday party

May 24, 2015

I remember quite clearly when my Valentine’s baby turned eight, it made me feel dreadfully old.  I’m even saying things like ‘dreadfully old’ now!

Her request was for a Bellawood party.  I can hear your eyebrows shoot up in confusion (as did mine).  Apparently that’s what a girl named Bella has instead of a Hollywood party.  Why an eight year old even wants a Hollywood party is beyond me.  What happened to Dora, Barbie and Hi5?  Yes, I’m holding onto something that’s not there!

So, I set about searching Pinterest and Google for foods to serve at a tween party, and any inspiration for party games.  I stuck to the basic colour scheme of pink and black and kept the food pretty basic.  It was an after school party, so not a full meal.

Luckily Mother Nature smiled down on us, and the sun was shining so the kids spent a great deal of the party in the pool.  Win!

We had some watermelon hearts.  These were simply cut out with a playdough shape and the remnants were frozen to make a watermelon and raspberry slushie.  This was made from the frozen watermelon, some frozen raspberries, a dash of berry mineral water all blended together.

This is a really simple idea that the kids all loved.  I wanted the marshmallows in a glass vase but ours was too big.  I just stuffed some pink tissue paper in the base to bulk it up a bit.

This was the easiest option for the birthday cake.  I picked up these cases at the local cake store, made some sponge mix and tinged it pink then just topped them with pink icing.  They are a little fiddly to eat, but not everything Hollywood is supposed to be easy, right?

My favourite thing to make was the high-heeled cookies pictured on the purple platter.  The cutter was $3 at the local cake store, I made a basic butter cookie and used the same icing used on the cakes.  I would recommend using a shortbread cookie instead of the butter cookie mix, they lost shape a little.

Each place setting was a black plate, pink napkin and plastic champagne flute.  Hidden in the bottom of each champagne flute is a drop of pink food colouring.  When you fill the glass with water, it changes from clear to pink.  My kids call this ‘magic water’ and it gets a few stunned reactions every time.

The lolly bags were just black noodle boxes from Spotlight with each child’s initial in pink stuck to the front.

Below is the finished table.  The girls all had a blast, we added some nail polish and glitter hairspray for fun then the girls put on a catwalk in some dress ups.  I caught it all on tape (including Mr3 doing the moonwalk) and that recording will be a fabulous addition to their 21st videos!

It was a really simple party, not a lot of cooking or preparation, yet the birthday girl had a lovely time.  I think I had just as much fun as the little guests.

Leave a Comment Filed Under: Life

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    Meet the Life with Tweens team

    Meet the Life with Tweens team

    Kim, Renee and Caro are parents living with a primary-schooler, a handful of Tweens, the odd Teen, seven dogs, six fish, two cats and a fat rabbit. Each day is an adventure, to say the least.

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